Conservative Talking Points

A political feud is brewing within the Democratic camps as to the nature of "devastating" information that the Clinton campaign has on Senator Obama. What could be devastating for a man with little political experience in Illinois, little experience in the Senate, and little substance on the campaign trail?? The Obama campaign has gone so far as to accuse Senator Clinton of trying to "swiftboat" his campaign. Sadly, even this claim seems to have been little researched by the Obama campaign. "Swiftboating" connotes taking a record of achievements and then poking holes in that record; in this case, there is no record! Peacemaker that I am, I will reveal the information that the Clinton campaign is hiding--you're boring.

The media jumped into the fray this past week as Wolf Blitzer apparently has shed any pretense to objective reporting and appears to now be working for the Clinton campaign. In the most devastating blow to journalism since the last Democratic Presidential Debate, Wolf Blitzer avoided tangling with Hillary Clinton regarding her flip-flop over drivers' licenses for illegal immigrants. Kudos to the Clinton campaign for wrapping up the 4th estate for your Presidential run. Such skill Mr. Blitzer! After this performance, you're bound to be a judge at the next Ms. America pageant.

The fight for voters in 2008 has never been hotter with a range of candidates attempting to gain the upper hand and lead their party to victory. Now.....the truth! Behind the scenes, Republicans have secretly been plotting to sabotage the 2008 election by increasing our ranks in the most unconventional Republican way--science! That's right! As we speak, Conservatives in Colorado are gathering signatures to define a fertilized egg as a person. This dynamic campaign will add scores of voters to our rolls and make us invincible in 2008. Why are we doing this now you may ask? Because the House of Commons is also now spending time debating the rights of cloned babies. And whatever is good for Europe is great for the Democratic Party. Democrat Cloned Babies vs. Fertilized Egg Men. Let the science games begin.