Conservative Talking Points

Livid for Libby - Liberals were quite upset this week at the commutation of Scooter Libby's sentence. I personally couldn't keep track of all the slander that was directed at the President for exercising his right to commute and pardon whomever he chooses. Conservatives immediately launched a counter attack by listing Clinton's own rap sheet with the law as well as his friends in the "get-out-of jail-free" mod squad. Tony Snow even was quoted as saying, "I don't know what Arkansan is for chutzpah, but this is a gigantic case of it." Thank you, Tony Snow, for throwing down the Yiddish gauntlet and decisively winning this verbal battle for all Conservatives.

Rock It With The Gore-Meister - Live-Earth is here! After hundreds of years of oppression the environmentalists were finally heard, in the form of a rock concert? Indeed, Al Gore's greenapalooza was an exciting rock-fest full of ironic twists such as Madonna's involvement despite the fact that her company invests in some of the world's largest polluters, DaimlerChrylser sponsoring a part of the tour, and the fact that many of the star performers traveled in anti-environment, private jets. The entire world learned once again that the only green that matters is the power of the mighty dollar.

If You're Nuts In San Francisco - Cindy Sheehan is back with a vengeance. The anti-war activist is returning for a political career sequel to end all of her previous rantings, ravings, and propaganda. Cindy Sheehan is returning to politics and considering running against Speaker Pelosi in her home district. Conservatives are divided between laughing at the hilarious situation that this poses for the Speaker and at the same time being terrified at the thought of Sheehan actually winning. Eh, it's San Francisco; how liberal could it really be?

Vacationing With Moore - Michael Moore, communist-tool extraordinaire, has rejected an invitation by the Iranians to speak about his new health care propaganda film. Michael doesn't like to mix business and pleasure, and the Iranians should really know better. Mr. Moore has visited communist Cuba, but that was for business; he only visits theocracies for personal pleasure.

Campaign Fun - Things are heating up for the top Democratic front-runners. Obama raised a ton of money this past week; Hillary brought Bill on the campaign trail; and it was revealed that Edwards once paid $1,250 for a haircut. In other news, the Bourgeoisie Trial Lawyer Straw Poll has Edwards projected at 100 percent.