Conservative Talking Points

The Good - A growing movement of Vermont residents is attempting to encourage secession from the United States. This leftist powerhouse state is attempting to return to its independent status of 1777. Great! Where do I sign up?

The Bad - Senator Clinton has criticized the tragic nature of the Bush economic policies, which she called an "ownership society". Under a "Hillary House" she prefers a "we're all in it together society". Upon hearing this enlightening news at a séance led by Jimmy Carter, dead Communist leaders Lenin and Stalin both expressed interest in joining Hillary's ticket.

The Ugly - This past week, Speaker Pelosi received a tour of Greenland with German's Environmental Minister. The trip gave the Minister an opportunity to express Germany's dissatisfaction with the Bush Administration. Pelosi's "Mea Culpa America Tour" began in Syria, has now moved to Germany, and will conclude in Britain where we will apologize for the Revolutionary War.

The Dumb -The Obama campaign has begun a new training program for potential Obamaniacs called "Camp Obama". According to reports, the campaign received more than 1200 applications. This is a brilliant move by the Obama campaign to utilize the rare and never used "camp maneuver". Most candidates send their volunteers to the people; the "camp maneuver" houses the volunteers in a protective bubble, insulated from the mistakes of a doomed campaign.

Finally......the Beautiful! - Miss USA Rachel Smith suffered through a rough fall, relentless booing by an anti-American audience, and the fact that she had to compete in Mexico City in order to take home fourth place in the Miss Universe contest. There goes Ted Kennedy's plan to use Rachel as the poster girl for his immigration bill.