Conservative Talking Points

Historical Priorities - A new UK report discloses that some schools are opting out of teaching the Holocaust and the Crusades out of fear that these history lessons often contradict what is taught in local mosques.  Thankfully, Speaker Pelosi is traveling to Great Britain this week, which we can only assume is intended to address intellectual integrity and historical truths?  Ha! Don't waste the Speaker's time with such trivialities, this trip is about global warming, clearly the greatest current threat to mankind.   

This I Know - Ex-Senator and Ex-VP Candidate John Edwards continues to vie for the extreme element of the Democratic party by labeling the President's favorite term "War on Terror" as nothing more than a bumper sticker. The Bush administration is of course terrified that Edwards may inspect the  bumper sticker further and discover that it is of low adhesive value and flimsy material which could be difficult to remove hence causing the owner emotional damage that could only be solved by the services of a cutthroat trial lawyer such as himself. 

Another Thing I Can't Enjoy - Hillary Clinton is holding a contest to pick her campaign tune with finalists such as Shania Twain's "Rock This Country!" and "Beautiful Day" by U2.  For historical purposes it is important to note that her husband utilized Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop", thereby completely making Rock a forbidden association for Republicans.  Republicans plea that Clinton not take Rebel Feminine Country or Irish Social Justice Rock away from us.

Lessons for Scientists - Scientists have recently begun to breed cows that produce delicious and nutritious skim milk. Way to go scientists!  I hope it is clear to scientists that cloning your cows is very bad and morally reprehensible but scientifically engineering them for our selfish health purposes is awesome and really annoys animal activists.

???? - Congress passed more funding for the Iraq war, there is no withdrawal timeline in the bill, and President Bush was "anointed" by a passing bird during a press conference. We can only conclude that the Republicans might have won this skirmish, but the Almighty, or at least the avian population, is not 100% sold on our leader.