Conservative Talking Points

Anybody but him!  -  Presidential Candidate and one time bane of Cleveland, Rep. Dennis Kucinich, filed impeachment papers this week against Vice President Cheney for high crimes and misdemeanors as well as a variety of other conspiracy claims. Panic stricken, the Republican Party has begun an appeasement campaign to placate the Congressman who wields no power in Congress but is very powerful in both Make-Believe and Never-Never land.

Peanuts, Popcorn, Cookie Cutter Liberals - Sen. Mike Gravel, Rep. Dennis Kucinich, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Senator Joe Biden, John Edwards,  Sen. Chris Dodd, and Gov. Bill Richardson debated this week. Critics uniformly found no winner in this debate but did notice an overwhelming unity against the Iraq war.  Upon news that there were no distinguishing character traits or positions, Senator John Kerry, Al Gore, Michael Dukakis, Alec Baldwin, Michael Moore, Howard Dean, and the state of Massachusetts all filed for the Presidency.

Sniff...You Said You Had Changed - The Democratic Congress this week sent a timetable for withdrawal on the Iraq war, continued discussions on gun control, and mounted an attack on the Supreme Court's decision on the banning of partial-birth abortions. Democrats' platform this year is largely based on a successful 1990's platform called "Weak on Terror, Screw Your Rights". Dean was heard to remark, "Yeah we found it in the garage at headquarters, dusted her off and she is as good as new".
 
Don't Mess With Condi - After being subpoenaed to appear before the House to answer questions leading up to the Iraq war, the Secretary of State said that she would decline the invitation and instead send a letter. Democratic leaders were very distraught, but guaranteed the American public that they would find a way to embarrass, humiliate, and antagonize that letter just as they would the author of the letter.

The Devil You Say? - A Utah Republican created a resolution this week to oppose the Devil's plans for immigration. Yes, anti-immigration advocates have been distraught ever since the devil deserted his war of hate and evil and took up his Compassionate Conservative agenda. If action such as this doesn't desist, many fear that the Devil may run an independent ticket for President and split the vote.