Democratic Talking Points

Et Tu, Alan?--Just when you thought the elephant piñata had suffered enough, Alan Greenspan swung his sledgehammer into what's left of the pathetic pachyderm and delivered the final blow: "The Republican Congress lost their way. They swapped principle for power. They ended up with neither." Greenspan accused Bush, Hastert, DeLay and the entire Republican leadership of betraying the core conservative principle of fiscal restraint. And, then, to deliver the ultimate coup de grâce, Alan paid tribute to the leadership of Bill Clinton. After his remarks, there was a surge in the sales of Hillary for President buttons.

Foot & Mouth Disease--Great Britain confirmed a new outbreak of foot & mouth disease and began anew its efforts to contain the disease. Unfortunately, the efforts failed to prevent President Bush from putting his foot into his mouth at the opening of his speech to business leaders attending the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit. The President thanked Australian Prime Minister John Howard: "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit"

Happy New Year!--The Jewish community is trying to figure out why the White House sent out Bush's official Rosh Hashanah greetings on September 5th--a full week before the start of the Jewish New Year. Is it too early for the Jewish community to send the President a Get Well card? Or, should we wait and see if he sends out Chanukah cards next week?

Eye of Newt--Newt has just about thrown in the towel for himself as a presidential candidate or for the hopes of any current Republican candidate winning the Oval Office in 2008. Newt's solution? Get a Republican version of French President Nicolas Sarkozy! Unfortunately, that would require teaching the Heimlich Maneuver to all of those Republican leaders still choking on Freedom Fries.

Touchdown!--The House and Senate approved increases in federal aid to poor college students and funded them by cutting subsidies to banking institutions that make student loans. This financial aid bill was one of the Democratic Party's major domestic priorities. The only votes against the bill were from Republicans. Don't cry, my Republican scrooges. There's still time for you to prevent poor children from having health insurance coverage before Christmas.