Democratic Talking Points

What is He Smoking?--A recent Washington Post poll showed that 2/3 of Americans want the FDA to regulate the nicotine content in cigarettes and even 45% of all smokers support FDA supervision. Support for FDA supervision has the strong backing of Democrats and Republicans in the Senate. But, President George "Einstein" Bush declared two weeks ago that "nicotine is not a drug to be regulated by the FDA." What does the FDA regulate these days?

The Search for Intelligent Life or Operation Dumb Ass--A White House spokesman has reported that the polyps removed from the President's colon last week are benign. What the White House failed to report was that Bush's colonoscopy was actually part of a secret NIH study funded by the State Department to measure President Bush's IQ.

Flip Flop Fever--As President Bush's popularity level approached the lowest level in American history, the Administration is engaged in some serious damage control. New dress code signs have been posted in the West Wing prohibiting jeans, sneakers, shorts, miniskirts, T-shirts, tank tops and flip-flops. Cowboy boots are still allowed.

Tick...Tick...Tick--It seems that Dick Cheney's pacemaker needed a new battery. The problem is that pacemaker batteries are designed for human hearts, not for whatever passes for a ticker in Cheney's chest cavity. Considering the battery was made in China and approved by the FDA, Dick really had nothing to worry about.

If you don't like the Science, Get Rid of the Scientists--The Bush administration has finally found a way to deal with those pesky scientists whose views about the environment, evolution and stem cell research conflict with Republican orthodoxy. The No Child Left Behind program is successfully cutting back on science classes in elementary grades, while maintaining recess and PE class time. No statistics are available regarding whether prayer time in public schools has also suffered any cutbacks.