Democratic Talking Points

Call me, Madam!--Senator David Vitter has been MIA since the media found his phone number in a DC madam's black book. Rumor has it that he plans to resign from the Senate very soon and start a family values consulting firm with Mark Foley.

Homeland Security Tums Alert--Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff issued a Tums Alert. Chertfoff issued a statement that he has a "gut feeling" about an al-Queda attack this summer. Chertoff started to feel sick after a new Bush administration intelligence report concluded that al-Queda continues to grow stronger each day President Bush stays in office. Democrats started feeling sick to their stomachs in 2000.

Come one, Come all! George's Surge Snake Oil for Sale--President Bush continues to hawk his special Surge Snake Oil Potion, telling anyone who will listen how his surge strategy just needs a little more time and a few more American lives before it brings democracy to Iraq, the end of terrorism, and more stock dividends for Halliburton shareholders. If you drink enough of the potion and hold your nose, you won't even notice that the ability of the Iraq military to function independently of U.S. forces has decreased since President Bush launched his new strategy in January.

Norm Coleman's Netflix Test--After undercover investigators were able to easily obtain a license from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to buy materials to make a "dirty bomb", Senator Norm Coleman lamented the fact that it was as easy to bypass security controls and obtain these materials as getting "a DVD at Netflix." The soon-to-be ex-Senator from Minnesota is expected to introduce legislation to raise the security standards to at least Blockbuster or even Hollywood Video standards.

Surgeon General's Warning: Voting Republican increases serious risk to health--
Ex-Surgeon General, Richard Carmona, accused the Bush administration of blocking him from speaking out on public health concerns and playing politics with public health decisions. Case in point: Carmona was blocked from attending a Best Buddies conference, a program for people with mental disabilities. Why? Because the program was associated with the Kennedy family. The newest surgeon general nominee, James Holsinger, assures Congress that he can separate ideology from science. But, first Holsinger has to figure out how to explain his prejudices against gay people in a "scientific" study he authored in 1991 about homosexuality and health.