CHRISTMAS – CONSERVATIVE CONFUSION?

DAVID – BLUE FATHER:

It’s the time of the year when Conservatives like to claim that liberal grinches are at war with Christmas. But, like their search for WMD’s in Iraq, Conservatives are barking up the wrong Christmas tree. We have never waged a war on Christmas. That war was waged and won a long time ago by corporations and their Republican CEO’s who turned Christmas into one gigantic commercial enterprise with no spiritual or religious content.

And, who played an instrumental role in the battle to turn Christmas into a completely secular holiday that worships conspicuous consumption? The answer is conservative Republicans. Obsessed with displaying crèches on government property, they have sacrificed the religious core of the holiday. When faced with legal challenges to the exclusive display of Christian symbols on government property, did the Conservatives decide to display their religious symbols on private property? No, they decided they would combine their holiest symbols with Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus, neon dreidels and mammoth electric menorahs.

I used to think it was all part of some kind of Republican conspiracy. It just seemed a little too coincidental that Santa Claus would only wear RED suits. And, Rudolph has a RED nose, not a blue nose. But, now I realize that conservatives suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Symbolism Disorder. They aren’t solely concerned with Christmas symbols; they are also obsessed with flags, the Ten Commandments, and the Pledge of Allegiance.

The end result is mass confusion. Should Santa light the menorah now? Should the three wise men spin the dreidel? Christian children have become so disoriented by these syncretistic Christmas displays that they have started to ask their parents on Christmas Eve, “Why is this night different than all other nights?” Unfortunately, the answer is, “On this night all of the shopping centers are closed”.